Sunday 8 June 2008

I'm back =)


Before any of you accuse me for being a liar- I AM SORRY!! (once again) !!
I was going to start blogging once again after my exams, but I need to now. So just to let you all know, I have a physics resit in summer- most deffinatly and in the last month I've changed my mind so many times about what I want to do with my future.. Now I know and I'm sorted and my plans are simple, change engineering drawing to religion and physics (when I pass the resit) to biology and in two years time leave malta to go and study psycology in scotland with rob and sean =) tadaaaa
In the mean time, I'm restarting life.. Renewing my vows, getting my priorities straight, sorting out my room (ouch!!) and start saving up for accomodation at the university (and not for a car).
So, in 63 days I'll be in the first big meeting in soul survivor with my Jesus buddies and all the amazing SS leaders, and ours too hehe =D and this time in 11 days I'll probably be dressing up to go out to celebrate the end of school and studying (until the results come out and I'll have to start bio from scratch and physics for my damn resit.. yes, I'm annoyed about that =P)
Ok at the moment my emotions are really messed up, I'm very upset, but really hiding it, things aren't sinking in well. I'm in one of my screwed up moods (those of you who really know me well know exactly how messed up they really are). I can't study at the moment cos my brain feels like it's going to explode once I've been thinking so much. Ok I'm stalling, I'm not with duncan anymore sooooo.. you know, not in a very good state. Ahhh this is a weird post. I'm not really thinking about what I'm typing and I guess no one will even bother to check my blog once I've lost so much contact (except mina who has magical powers when it comes to blogs ;) haha) so it's going to be kept silent and the next time I post I'll put it up on my nic on msn to reveal to the world that I really am back.
See, all good things come to an end. Stupid vodafone advert once said not to cry because it's over but to smile because it happened, and that's what I'm doing. Listening to some amazing songs to help me get back on track, feeding myself with amazing words to soothe my heart and once again, another patch is being sewn on to it (hence the picture).
I've been broken so many times, and even though a heart break feels the same, it never really does. In a biological similie, a broken heart is like a phylum and each time it get's broken, it's like a different species from that phylum. Probably doesn't make sense, but it does to me. It's like a flower but each one is different though it's still a flower. I'm saying lots of crap. But my point is, God is here, holding me, healing me.
Here's something comforting to anyone who's feeling down at the moment..
"The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Psalms 34:18
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise" Psalms 51:17
I think I shall go and try to continue some philosophy now. God bless you all..
"Lord you will protect and comfort this heart" - and that's exactly what He's doing =)
Keep praying!!

13 comments:

. said...

aa dw rache whatever u do in life, God will be with u whatever subjects u choose no matter what u decide to do God will be with u...soo sorry to hear abt Duncan :S but dw God has a plan for u...and it'll all make sense in the future so dw i kno its hard imma like the saying goes its better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all!? insomma somethin like that i may have messed it up tho oh well anywayz the most imp thing is to know that God is with u and this is part of His plan... so smilee :) :)

maria angela said...

prayin for you, dear..may Daddy keep on embracing u!!
xxxx

Zoe said...

Always always always and always gna be by your side whatver you do or say beautiful! you know i think your amazing and would do anything to make you smile! gdluck for your exams tmrw! if you just nd some1 to listen to you... anytime anywhere you know i'm here for you aye? love you baby!
Gbu and your deff be in my prayers pupa
Keep holding on coz He's holding on tight...
*bear hug* love you xxxxxxxx

Martine said...

you underestimate us too much when it comes to reading ur blog! I check daily to see if u've magically decided to honour us with a blog post! Babe, about the cracks and broken hearted... I've learnt through many circumstances in life (u know wot im talking about) that hurts only make us stronger. I know it sounds mean but see it this way.. we're all like windows. some windows r really nice and clean and crackless with light shining right through, others are so so so dirty that no light manages to pass through.. but u know which r the nicest windows? The ones made of stained glass: cracked and broken peices of different coloured glass all stuck together as one to make a beautiful masterpeice, and light does not only shine through.. it brightens and gives life to the picture too!!! ;)
Be the stained glass in God's hands babe... He's got the plan, He's knows what picture He's creating, Just allow Him to put it together and let the light shine through your cracks! xxx love you

Zoe said...

*agrees with cett*

rache said...

wow, i've really underestimated you all- sorry =\
thanks so much guys, you're the best =)
keeping you all in my prayers xxxx

LG said...

glad you're back!sorry to hear about you and duncan :(
need anything you know where to find me..
xxx

Brooks said...

Im still reading too haha Always here when you need me rache, don't forget that! Uhh gotta go, on my way out.
God bless and take care
xxxxx

Ben said...

welcome back love :D we missed ur blogs :D

Anonymous said...

love u raaache! for some odd reason decided to check ur blog 2day :D rly sry for u and duncan and i hope that evrything will turn out ok! keep smiling!

love u more den monkeys love bananaass!
xxxxxxxxxx

Amy said...

rachel gatt
Well I cant say anything new that you haven't heard before about your current situation.
Just know that I HONESTLY am here for you,and will try my best to be the best friend I'm supposed to be!
I love you so much pupa...and you know im not bullshitting here!
take care...and like you mentioned a flower,just imagine that you have a big tree (God) right next to this small flower (you).The tree is sheltering the flower from the strong winds,but sometimes some wind still gets through and the flower is disturbed..but will soon make its way back to its normal state!
love youu sorry if i didnt make sense!

Rachel said...

:) i like ur similies :) Haven't seen you in ages.. (excluding yday, which consisted of u seeing me suck at table tennis..) anyway, lots of hugs and blessings coming ur way :D
xoxo

rache said...

i love you guys, seriously =) thanks for always being here for me- you're all beyond the word amazing.
God bless you xxxx