loving myself?

Ello ello.
So, I've left some time pass since my last post. I'm not going to apologize for being rude perhaps or anything of the sort cos I truly meant what I said, I just hope that no one got offended..
Ok on saturday we had the youth mass. Now I haven't been to a youth mass in donkey's years because of work and all so it was really fun to be back at one =) Tara gave her testimony *well done babe!* and honestly it was really touching, it was very evident that it was totally sincere =) And then the priest went on with the homily and stuff but basically it was all about loving yourself.
It made me think.
How much do I love myself? Honestly- barely =\
Seriously, I've spent so much time trying to change this and alter that ladida..
Why have I never been good enough?
It's all superficial, not important!! Yes, it would be amazing to be skinny, ahh simply pefect- but I'm not. Yes, it sucks that I'm practically the only one who isn't skinny in my group of friends, in practically all of my lessons, in my school, in the world damn it, but it's not that important! Yet why do I keep hasseling? Why must I be so obsessed? Why have I spent all my life being 'the fat one'?
But then, why does the world make me feel so bad about myself? Why can't I be accepted for the size10 that I am, and not a size 6? Why must everyone go around looking like a stick in order to be 'normal'?
Ahhhh it's just so annoying!
And as much as I know that I'm doing this in vain because I'll never stop being so paranoid.
But then I find hope. God loves me because even though I may look like a dull piece of scrunched paper, in his eyes, I'm the most beautiful girl ever- and I'm worth more than the world =)

Hello world..
I've been going through photos to upload a few random ones onto facebook together with a couple of 'important events' as a whole album or so and I just want to say this and come clean with everyone so to speak..
What the hell is wrong guys?!!
Why has everyone changed so much? Why aren't we the close group that we were just a couple of months ago? How is it that I've seemed to have lost people that I considered my best friends? Why has everyone become so judgmental? What are we all doing with ourselves?
And the list can keep on going..
Guys haven't you realized that we've totally split? Don't try to deny it, everyone's realized. No one has remained the same and I'm sorry to be the one to say it, it's not for the good!! Whether people have changed or not, this situation sucks!! Honestly, how can you keep going on with your lives as if nothing has happened between us?
Really, I would usually care if someone was to get offended by this, but to 100% honest, I'm so fed up that you can be sure that I'm the only one being honest enough to bring it out into the open.
Go on, comment- judge.. I don't care, at least I know that I'm human enough to admit to missing everyone's support and love for each other, I'm not proud. I thought we were mature enough, but we're evidently not.
Just to remind you guys, we're all sinners, every one of us- we've all made mistakes.
I'm just really sick of people passing comments and pretending to be people they're not, because in the long run, they're going to eventually explode and return to what they really are- human!!
Think about it guys, it's been going on for ages- what is wrong? Seriously, try and come up with valid points as to why everything has gone haywire.. I promise you, it's pathetic.
Uff guys- wake up!! You have no clue how much we need each other in this world! The persecution is bad enough when we face reality. These petty problems between us has driven each other apart, don't you think we need to remain united in order to really be God's light and change the world in His name?
I really don't mean to be harsh, but there's nothing else left to do I guess, and you know me- I'm an honesty fan.
Maybe it's just me, but it's all sems so wrong =(

vans =D

Ahhhhh my vans have finally arrived guys.. And they're awesome!! lool and above is their mini photoshoot, cos I'm a loser ^
Gleeee sorry just really happy haha.
For those of you who don't know the story, when I went to scotland in july, I absolutely fell in love with a pair of shoes and once I'm poor (lol at that time I wasn't, I was just told that we weren't going to shop *lies- we did 2 hours XD* so I didn't take any money up with me) and my mum didn't want to lend me any money.. Well, I didn't get them *boohoo*
Now i finally managed to order them off ebay and tadaaaaaaaa they've arrived =D
BEAUTIFUL!!
Ahh I'm very happy lool!
So good night to you all and I'll see most of you tomorrow at school and don't forget to look at my sexy new shoes =D .. They deserve to be worshiped >.< loooool no I'm joking, only God deserves that kinda glory =P
good night God bless ^^



YEYYYY SHOESSSSSSSSSSSSSS =D =D =D =D

Hey guys,
I was just throwing out all my old, useless batches of file paper from my previous attempt at first year =P
Well, I found a couple of cool doodles/drawings/poems/prayers/paragraphs/stuff lol but I just want to share this..

Brokeness is chasing loneliness that's drowned by emptyness, but by Your gracefulness I'm lifted from this mess.
I'll soon be free- I know I will and then they'll see how my worthlessness is worthy of the love You're giving me.

I don't know why, but I really felt that I should post it. I'm not feeling lonely, not at all. But I just watched 23 minutes in hell and even though it really has nothing to do with it, but I feel we really need to pray for the people who don't believe in Jesus and even more- for the christians that don't believe in hell. It's so real and it's here. And maybe it effects me more than some people because of something that I've read and I know how real demons are. Don't get me wrong, I'm not more 'educated' or aware of the situation we're in, but I just am so terrified after having found out a couple of things.
We've already won guys, victory is ours. But as in every battle, people die.
Soooo, just keep praying because God's glory will shine over the earth as promised and we're so blessed to have been saved =D
God bless ^^

happy birthday ^^

Hello humans!!

Sorry for neglecting my blog even more than ever really. But before you call me lazy, the internet hasn't been working in my room and wasn't letting me sign in downstairs =\ so anyways, now I've managed and what a perfect day to blog- my third year of being a 'real Christian'.. graaaand =D !!

So school's great and life's great and the y4j live-in was great *fourth one i've been to, my I'm growing old*. And just to mention, I didn't end up sleeping at the westin (my mum didn't let me in the end) I've missed absolutely NO lessons and gleeee I'm loving the new art teacher and he loves me too lool so it's graaaaand because I don't even have to suck up! niiiice!!

Ok since I last blogged I've moved and restarted school, changed my relationship status and have officially been a properly devoted Christian for three years- how awesome is that?!!

Junior college is the best place in the world and really, I'm loving my new class groups even though I miss my old ones. Though it's really funny, I'm with my old art class for hoa (history of art) so the old witch thinks I'm a second year, that is until she teaches me in 6 weeks and realises that I've repeated XD I have pretty great teachers, I just really miss mr philosophy loads though my new teacher is damn good so things are really working my way. I still have vanni pule' teaching me and this year it's shakespeare so he can be all dramatic without any excuses which will be funny. And luckily it's the ONLY 8am lesson I have so if i arrive late he'll understand- because he loves me ^^
My time table is pretty good, still stuck with a crappy thursday though >.< lesson =" But">

So I'm in a really good mood (despite being absolutely knackered after a very loooong day of school consisting of english *fourth floor*, double art *basement*, religion *third floor*, art *basement*, english *third floor* - a free *bluebar/dukes/bluebar* - biology *elevated*) and I'm just exploding with Jesusness at the moment ^^

It's just that these three years have been the most amazing adventure of my life! Following Christ has made me who I am and I'm proud of my old self, everything that I've done adds to my testimony and now that I have God and my relationship with Him is growing daily, it's developing and I have so much to say I may just never stop!! It's so grand to just wake up and live in Jesus, it's just so- awesome really! Ahhhhh God is good guys, He really is =) So happy birthday to my faith haha, it's something I'll NEVER look back at- no regrets =D He's just built me and defined me and there's no one else who I can ever be so open with, who will ever let me be so alive and who I'll ever trust so much. I've truely found MY best friend =D

So I think I may go because the mother made coleslaw and I'm quite the fan =P

So a big thanks to all of you who have helped me on my journey to reaching this stage in my life- you're the bestest!!

God bless you all, see most of you tomorrow at school/out =D

I love you all, BUT JESUS LOVES YOU MOREEEEE!!!!!!!!!!