loving myself?

Ello ello.
So, I've left some time pass since my last post. I'm not going to apologize for being rude perhaps or anything of the sort cos I truly meant what I said, I just hope that no one got offended..
Ok on saturday we had the youth mass. Now I haven't been to a youth mass in donkey's years because of work and all so it was really fun to be back at one =) Tara gave her testimony *well done babe!* and honestly it was really touching, it was very evident that it was totally sincere =) And then the priest went on with the homily and stuff but basically it was all about loving yourself.
It made me think.
How much do I love myself? Honestly- barely =\
Seriously, I've spent so much time trying to change this and alter that ladida..
Why have I never been good enough?
It's all superficial, not important!! Yes, it would be amazing to be skinny, ahh simply pefect- but I'm not. Yes, it sucks that I'm practically the only one who isn't skinny in my group of friends, in practically all of my lessons, in my school, in the world damn it, but it's not that important! Yet why do I keep hasseling? Why must I be so obsessed? Why have I spent all my life being 'the fat one'?
But then, why does the world make me feel so bad about myself? Why can't I be accepted for the size10 that I am, and not a size 6? Why must everyone go around looking like a stick in order to be 'normal'?
Ahhhh it's just so annoying!
And as much as I know that I'm doing this in vain because I'll never stop being so paranoid.
But then I find hope. God loves me because even though I may look like a dull piece of scrunched paper, in his eyes, I'm the most beautiful girl ever- and I'm worth more than the world =)