Ok guys, I haven't blogged in ages and for good reason. I've really been feeling down lately so anything that I would right would have been depressing so I just didn't bother. All I'm going to say is that on friday I heard bettina's song (everyday) for the first time and it really hit me but obviosuly being me, I didn't let it show. On saturday I spent nearly 20 minutes trying to force myself to cry to let things out and when bettina started to play it I expected myself to explode but all that happened was four small tears escaped me towards the end of the song. It's a real powerful song and it's just everything that I tell God and been put into such a beautiful song.

"I will praise You with my tears; with my hurts; with my cries.
And I will love You, lift You higher; when I laugh; when I smile.
I'll worship You everyday."

There is also one more thing. Rob's had this on his nick on msn all week and on saturday it finally hit me:

"Jesus wept." [john 11:35]

He went up on stage and said that Jesus cries with us when we're going through bad times and honestly I could imagine Jesus holding me in His arms and whilst moving my hair out of my face, just crying with me. I kinda felt worse after that cos I still couldn't get myself to cry anymore but at least I knew that Jesus was crying for me.
I don't mean to sound selfish but if you have any spare time please pray for me, I just can't seems to let go of this patch no matter how hard I pray and try.
I'm just trying really hard to live normally and to go on as if everything is ok but sometimes I fall. I guess it's cos I'm human. Oh well, the only thing to do is pray so that's all I'm really holding on to. Hope I didn't depress you, I tried to be as subtle as possible.
God bless you all.