merry Christmas, happy new year, and hello more obstacles..

Hello world =)
Ahh what holidays those were!! Sorry for not posting but honestly, I was busy 24/7! So now we're back at school so I'm finding some time to do things..
Last year came and went pretty quickly. It brought so many things with it and took away a few too- good and bad. I'm glad I went through everything even though some of it sucked, it built me up and gave me more endurance as does everything in this life. Fine, maybe I was shattered at that point, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
Oh and I obviously found out who my angel was- elaine- love you babbi!! She was the bestest angel ever really, and she gave me socks =O *glee* !!
And now a new year, a new page, a fresh new start. So I ask myself, is it worth a "new year's resolution"? I'm really not too sure. I want to get closer to God especially after drifting from y4j slightly. The thing is, everyone needs a break. I didn't take one off God, I took one off a community. It's funny, the way some people thinks you're sinning when you don't go to y4j, actually, it's really lame honestly. I don't understand so many things, so many people- and they don't understand me. But the moment I step back for a week or two it's as if I've become a reject or something. At first I saw it as annoying, last saturday I realised how much it hurt me!
I mean, come on, I've been part of y4j for four years next week, missing a couple of meetings isn't going to pull me down and make me start my relationship with God from scratch! It just really made me realize how hurt I am deep down inside. I've been through so much since I was young, yet this is the thing that funnily enough I thought really wouldn't effect me. Yet it has, and damn it it's killing me.
Why must the people who I trusted and perhaps even looked up to feel the need to look down upon me, to ignore me, to make me feel inferior? Why do I get the bad looks when there are people who are totally false? Hypocrite? I'm anything BUT a hypocrite! I don't go around telling people to do this that and the other and not do it myself. I'm not false, I worship God with an sincere heart, I trust Him with all of me and I try to live my life for Him. So if i was doing something wrong wouldn't it show? Wouldn't I feel guilty? Wouldn't I have things holding me back from praying? Well, last I looked I'm fine, so why the condemning fingers and judgmental looks? I just don't get it, really =\
I'll stop there before I keep going on forever, and really, I don't give a damn if I offended anyone because to be honest, I'm sick and tired of it all so I couldn't care less. No respect for me, I'm through with respecting people who won't accept me for who I am.
And along line with that, I'm really struggling at home at the moment, I'm going mad. Not only home but also financially and mentally. I'm feeling so constricted. Everything I do is wrong, it's becoming pathetic. All I hear is how I don't appreciate and how I don't respect and how I'm so rude and how fat I'm becoming.. pretty nice and encouraging, right? God, I can't stand humanity. And when it comes to money, being jobless and stipendless doesn't help to the minimum 600euro needed for soul survivor PLUS a car PLUS insurance, for you see I'm not getting help with those. I'm basically living off 70euro a month so I can't exactly save.. anything at all- lucky me.
And now this is were I stop and think, I'm so blessed, yet I'm here complaining. What is wrong with me? With all of us? Why are we so human, so selfish?
So this is my prayer to God, to help me be more humble, to help me to forgive and to let go of all the hurts caused by so many people, and to try my utmost to live for Him more and more everyday..
A resolution?- I'm not too sure, but whatever it is, I hope that through prayer and determination, it will flow through my life smoothly.
God bless you all.. and happy new year.